gratitude & tears

A year ago, I booked high tea.

At my favourite place.

With favourite people.

To celebrate my birthday.

It was late for my birthday, but fell on my mum's birthday a week or so later.

Another reason to celebrate.

It also fell on a weekend of deluge and flash flooding.

My friends mostly, wisely, pulled out.  They made the right choice.  The conditions were too risky.

Except for one dear friend, ready for adventure, determined in her love.

I felt compelled to go though.

You see, my mum.

It was her birthday.

She probably didn't know

She was in the final awful stages of Dementia.

That stole her away from us, little by little, far too fast.

I was convinced

that I had to see her.

I was convinced

that Death must come knocking, when birthdays draw near.

that the cells in her body knew that the day had come

I was convinced

that her fragile grip on life would loosen.

That, having made the next milestone, she would finally let go.

I had to see her.

To give her my love.

So that I didn't miss 'goodbye'

I'm so glad I did.

**********

we were unwise

in the deluge

in the floods

we were lucky

we made it through

never again

**********

She lingered for another month.

And then her body failed

Suffering enough

we told her she could leave us

we would care for her son

she was loved

*****************


those memories washed over me as I drove today

confronting me on the road to high tea

and God was kind

different seats, different views, new memories

with another precious friend

ready for adventure, determined in her love


flowers for love

lavender tones to comfort


****************



a posy

gentle, old fashioned roses, in dusky hues

a token of love

for one whom I love

so dearly missed

longings for better things



*********************





blessings today, as well as the tears

cosy hand-knit socks.  joy





friends who hear.   healing

wheaten bloom glowing on green hills

chill & autumn leaves afire

shawl for cosy hug of warmth



an embrace filled with understanding

rose-hued dusk

sliver of silver crescent moon

my small boy finds me to say 'i love you'

****************************

Blocking Knitting: Before & After

I've just recently completed two shawls, both of which have made me Very Happy.

One is for a friend...

The blue Spindrift Shawl from Curious Handmade made from a heavenly Merino/Silk blend (soft just doesn't describe it).

If you sign up for the Curious Handmade email, you can even get this pattern for free.  She has lots of helpful tips about knitting shawls and lace, in the form of a series of emails to guide you through the process of knitting this shawl.

It's an excellent place to start if you've not knitted shawls or lace before.

This was such a lovely knit:  simple, quick, gratifying.

I love the way the lace looks like the foaming of waves on a sandy shore.

seafoam...

The only issue I have is that the neckline is a little tight.  I think this is because silk isn't as giving as wool.  Or perhaps it was my tension.  It was curling over due to the tension.

I was pretty aggressive in pulling it out in the blocking, but really, there wasn't much I could do, as there was no give along the edge of the shawl.   Still it improved a lot by the finished product!

before blocking:  looks a little crumpled and uneven

Doesn't that just look stunning now.

The lace after blocking 

Defined.  Open.  Lace

I also made my daughter the Snowflake Party Shawl by Martina Behm.  This is another simple, fast and gratifying knit.  Another good beginning shawl.  This was also an opportunity for me to experiment with colours and stripes.


I had some leftover CircusTonicHandmade Star Finch yarn, which Princess loves.  It wasn't enough for an entire item, so I matched it with Bendigo Yarns Luxury 4 ply in Coral.  They are a fantastic match.

Before blocking

As the shawl progressed, I gradually introduced stripes of the Star Finch, and gradually decreased the Coral.  You can see the changes in the stripes below.  If you want to see the exact formula for how I did it, the details are on my Ravelry Project Page here.

I added some extra rows to the end of the shawl to give a border to the lace pattern, and an opportunity to create more fabric in the Star Finch yarn.

During knitting, the snowflakes weren't all that defined.

I blocked this fairly aggressively (that means I stretched it quite a bit) - the shawl seemed to grow a lot in the blocking process!

The result?

Lovely, clear snowflakes, dancing over the shawl.

Happy.

PS.  If anyone has any tips on how to get children to model for you, send them my way!



PPS.  And here's your reward for reading right to the end...

Why be normal when you can be, well, weird?  Dancing? and Photobombing? Why not!

Chai Frappe Recipe

We are all melting with the heat here in Sydney.

I think everyone is wondering when summer will end - fiercely hot days are sapping the life out of everyone...

It makes it quite challenging to enjoy my tea in the usual way.

I thought a Chai Frappe might just do the trick.

But I was surprised that when I did a quick search, I couldn't find any recipes for what I wanted online.

There are plenty using Chai Syrups and Powders, but those generally have loads of sugar and other stuff in them.

I've become a bit of a purist with my Chai, and the typical Chai Latte mixes are all too sweet for me.

So here's a low sugar, refreshing Chai Frappe recipe for you.  It does require a little advance prep, but it's well worth it.

Brew up your favourite Chai - tea leaves, tea bags, or even the powders if that's what you love.
In this case, I used a lovely Rooibos Chai I was given at Christmas - so it has the added bonus of being caffeine free.


Freeze in an ice cube tray.


One generous cup of tea fills my ice cube tray nicely.

Once frozen, place in Thermomix, food processor or use a stick blender.



Add milk.

Add honey and / or Cinnamon syrup (if you have it) to sweeten.  The Thermomix Star Anise syrup (from the Basic Cook Book) would work quite well here.  Heilala even make a delicious Vanilla Syrup.


I used approximately 1 tablespoon - depending on your taste, you might like more, there is no sweetener in the tea.  I find this Frappe refreshing because it isn't too sweet, so taste test and adjust accordingly!



Add a dash of vanilla, and a shake of cinnamon.


Blitz for 20-30 seconds, on speed 9. until the ice cubes have magically turned into a lovely tea slushy.


Sprinkle with Cinnamon Sugar for a decorative touch.


Relax somewhere cool and enjoy!


What's your favourite cooling brew?

Kindergarten: A New Journey

I found myself close to tears, over the ironing.

While ironing and household chores are wont to reduce us to tears, it wasn't really the ironing's fault in this case.

It was what I was ironing.

My precious baby's new school uniform, for him to wear the following day.

His first day of Kindergarten.

In that tiny pair of shorts, I could see the journey ahead.

The years of uniforms that he will wear (and I will iron) as he progresses through to Graduation.

I could see all of that in that one item, in that one task.

Shoes... He's never worn them for a whole day in his life!

There was joy and grieving.

Grieving...
for the end of his babyhood
for the end of my era as a mother-of-babies, a hen and her chicks
for the end of the exclusive universe I've built around my babies - now they explore a bigger world

Joy...
watching my baby become a boy
knowing he is ready for this next chapter
watching his excitement (and nerves)

It's not even only about him, my younger one, but also about my precious girl, who also seems to grow apace...  She starts Year 4.  Year 4.  So very grown up.  Taller than me soon (hooray!  and also... not difficult)

They'll never look this good again!

I began my teaching career with Year 4.  I had no idea that they were each someone's babies, still. They seemed so mature, so independent.

And the parents seemed to wear the mantle of parenthood easily, to come as a family package with their children, know what they were about...

I didn't realise they were still learning too, still figuring out this parenting gig.

And when I taught Kindergarten (who I loved, by the way, and they loved me), I really didn't grasp how each of those little people that walked through my door, were still just tiny babies.

I passed a mum sobbing yesterday, as I walked my baby boy to his classroom, and his beautiful teacher.
And I understood.
And, truth be told, I cried too.  For her, and for me.

Trains.  His very favourite thing in the whole world. 

Because I had to take my baby, deliver him to his (beautiful, gentle, wonderful) teacher.

And leave him there.

Walk away without him.

I was glad to have my girl with me for that day, but I think Monday when I must leave them both, I will shed more tears.

No longer are my precious kids orbiting in the universe I have created for them.

No longer are they relying just on me, Mama (and Papa too of course).

They are both now venturing out on their Grand Adventure, which is peopled and influenced by so many others.

Which means they will have an existence, an experience, which I will largely not know about.  I won't know the details of every conversation that they have, with their teachers, and their friends.  I won't hear all the things that make them giggle, cry, and be able to guide their interactions with others.  I can't cuddle them when they are hurt at school.

So I'm hoping that the foundations we have laid will endure and keep them safe, keep them knowing they are loved, whatever they encounter.

**********************

I collected him yesterday, all smiles as he walked out in lines, holding hands with his friend.
He still looked tiny.
They all did.
With their enormous backpacks, and hats, and uniforms 2 sizes too big.

He had a great day.  Thankful, so thankful.
And he wants to go back.  Doubly thankful.

But there's still a tear or two to shed.

Because I think he grew a year in that one day.

He needs me just a little less.

Grief and Joy.

Because that is what we long for them.

To raise them so they are healthy without us one day.

It's a funny gig, this parenting job.  To render yourself redundant.

Off on a Very Grand Adventure
And I will always be here waiting for them to come home

The joy in this? They will always need our love.

I Heart Cinnamon: Cinnamon Syrup Recipe

If you know me at all, you know I love Cinnamon.

And all things Cinnamon inspired - Chai, Glühwein (similar to Mulled Wine), Teacakes, Pfeffernüsse, Gingerbread, and on it goes.


At the supermarket yesterday I saw bulk cinnamon.  I've never seen that before at our regular store.

Its siren song called so of course I bought it.

I've been making some home cooked goodies for Christmas Hampers for friends, and felt inspired to make up a Cinnamon Syrup.  I was sure I'd seen a recipe somewhere, although when I went to find it, it seemed I'd imagined it.  Not that surprising really.

Edit:  I found the recipe after all - Everyday Cooking for Thermomix Families - Star Anise & Cinnamon Syrup.  But it still didn't have enough cinnamon for what I was dreaming of...

So here is my attempt to create a Cinnamon Syrup.

I kept it simple so it's gluten free, and can be used in drinks or as a topping on food.  There were other recipes that incorporated flour to thicken it, perhaps I'll experiment with that next time.

I used the Simple Syrup recipe from ThermoFun - if you haven't heard of Simple Syrup before, it's the name for a syrup made of sugar and water.  It's often used as a base for flavoured syrups or for cocktails.  It's a handy recipe to know, and if you're into cocktails, to keep on hand in the fridge!

After perusing a few recipes, the one that took my fancy was the one here, that incorporated the most cinnamon - the more the better in my opinion!  By the way, that site had some inspiring recipes for a variety of cinnamon inspired cocktails.

This recipe also said to leave the cinnamon sticks in the syrup to steep overnight.  I was short on time, so added them in during the cooking phase, but left a couple of quills in each jar to enhance the flavour and make it look all pretty.

I also added a splash of (home made) vanilla essence, and used half and half coconut sugar (for some reason I had heaps in the cupboard), and brown sugar.

The coconut sugar has a roasted bitterness to it, reminiscent of coffee, that would take the edge off the sweetness, and I felt like the brown sugar enhances the cosy cinnamon goodness.

Initially while it was cooking I was worried because I could smell the roasted flavours more than any other, but at the end of the cooking time, sweet cinnamon fragrances had developed.

100g coconut sugar
100g Brown Sugar
5g Vanilla Essence
240g Water
6 Cinnamon Quills

Place all ingredients in the bowl
Dissolve 10 mins / 110 C / Speed 1

If you don't have a Thermomix, you can still make the syrup:  place all ingredients in a saucepan, and gently bring to the boil until the sugar is dissolved.  Allow to simmer for a few minutes until the flavours infuse.

We added some to a berry iced tea for a little sweetness.  And then of course we took turns licking the bowl to taste it.  The consensus was that it's delicious.

The verdict from a 12 year old we love who has a very discerning palate:

 "Tastes like a bakery!"  

I'll take that!

I'm sure you could embellish this by adding other flavours such as orange zest, or other spices like cloves, but I wanted to keep it simple this first time.

I can't wait to add it to other things to share the cinnamon love.  I'm thinking Yoghurt, ice cream, tea, coffee...  What would you add it to?

Here it is all tucked into its hamper, nice and snug :)

Pausing

So it's the most hectic time of the year for teachers....  (I am a teacher in case you didn't know that about me) - hence the quietness of the blog of late.

I haven't managed to work on much of anything, except deadlines, let alone rustle up a blog post!
I have to admit that after the year we've had, I'm utterly spent.

I'm making myself take an enforced break today (I even chose to mark student work because it means I had to sit down!  Things are getting desperate when I'm this tired!).

So I was pondering my knitting.  And why I haven't been knitting as much lately.

I have some lovely projects that I *want* to make.

Some projects I'm *preparing* to make, including this Gilmore Girls Mystery Knit-A-Long* that I'm seriously excited about.

I've got some things that I did finish recently - also the result of Knit-a-Longs*, but I haven't had a moment to share them with you (coming soon!)

So back to the pondering...

I realised I do have some projects underway, but they're just not calling my name at the moment... The reason why?

I have to rip** them

It's a sad day when a knitter comes to the realisation of the need to rip a project.

A lovely podcast I follow (the Yarniacs, I do recommend!) a while back mentioned that the 5 stages of grief apply quite aptly to the process of coming to terms with undoing all those hard-won stitches!

It's taken a couple of weeks to process whether I *need* to begin again, and then a little more time for the acceptance...  Now I have to come to terms with actually undoing my projects.

You may be wondering why I am going to undo some perfectly lovely knitting (because surprisingly in this case, it's not due to knitting mistakes - that kind of undoing does happen on a regular basis.  And yes, it makes me come a little undone as well as the knitting).

Princess asked for a shawl of her own.  I'm thrilled to oblige!  We decided to use the remnants of a ball of Star Finch by CircusTonicHandmade that I used to make my Sweet Pie Socks (more information will come some day!), which serendipitously matches perfectly with a ball of coral Luxury from Bendigo Woollen Mills.

I assiduously researched Ravelry to find a shawl that I could knit the body in the solid colour, and then gradually incorporate the variegated yarn at the edge, which ideally would be some kind of simple lace.  Something suitable for a girl.

I do love the snowflake detail emerging on the edge

I found a lovely pattern called Snowflake Party.  If you know me (and Princess), you know how much we love snow!  I got all excited.

Which made me forget that it needed to be knit horizontally so that the lace could be in the variegated yarn.  I remembered *after* I started knitting it!  The Snowflake Party shawl is knit diagonally.  It could still be lovely, as there will be more snowflakes towards the end, but it still wasnt quite what i envisaged.  The pattern is lovely, and I will return to it for a future shawl!

Instead I think I'll make the Blossomfield Shawl designed by one of my favourite designers, Meg Gadsbey.  It is knit horizontally, and designed so that the lace flowers are knit in a lighter shade.

Symmetrical Gradient :)

My other project waiting to be ripped is a pair of rainbow socks.  I was excited to buy some yarn that has a symmetrical colour gradient.  It's designed for knitting two socks at a time, using the outer end and inner end of the yarn at once.  I tried to cast on two at once, but got into a dreadful muddle.

Instead, I pulled out my teeny tiny little sock needles, to knit one at a time.  I'm getting used to the little needles, and quite liking the technique.  It's easier than using a magic loop or two circulars, as you just keep knitting around and around.

But as the socks have emerged, I think that the stripes are a little too wide.  So I'm going to knit a larger sock.  This will mean that the stripes will be a slightly narrower, and should create a fun sock!

Big Stripe!  I haven't even reached the end of the first colour yet!

Of course, I could continue with both of these projects as they are, and they would be perfectly lovely.

But I make things for the joy that it brings, and I think both of them would be better if I change them slightly.  I'd rather undo this relatively small amount of work now, than wonder if the alternative would have been lovelier once they are finished!

It may be crazy, but it makes me happy!

Now that I've come to terms with it all, I'm off to undo some knitting!

Do you ever undo projects?  Why?  Have you ever continued with a project and then regretted it?

* Knit-a-Long = knitting along with a group of other people working on the same project or theme, usually on Ravelry.  Bonus if prizes are part of the fun; Also: Lots of fun, learning, swapping tips!
** rip = undo knitting

Let's talk about ...

Nope.  Not going to say it.  My aim is to avoid the S word right through this blog post.  In fact, I'm going to try to avoid all the embarrassing words in this blog post.  Just to make things extra funny...

When I was expecting Dude and Princess wanted to know about how the baby was going to get out, my wise obstetrician's advice was to use distraction effectively...

Something like:

"Well the baby's got a special way of getting out.  Hey! Would you like some chocolate?"

Which is kind of funny, seeing as she specialises in getting the babies out.

But I guess she doesn't specialise in telling small people all about it.

Although I dodged a bullet there (that answer worked by the way), I figured that wasn't a long term solution.

The questions started coming from the Dude too I guess, and it seemed like a good opportunity to satisfy their natural curiosity.

I am absolutely no kind of expert in this area*.  but I love picture books, and I've spent a fair bit of time teaching children*** so I figured I should find some resources.

I seemed to have imbibed a few approaches from the ether:

* using correct anatomical names for body parts in order to:

• be matter-of-fact (no shame); 
• educate; and 
• empower (it's supposed to be a good protective strategy in potential abuse situations

* trying to give a good answer to any question while keeping it age appropriate - I don't want my kids to feel like there is any shame in their curiosity and questions; but I also didn't want to freak them out.

We have also been privileged to attend a seminar at my kids' school called "Amazing Me" - Princess is in Year 3, and to be honest, I wasn't quite ready for her to hear 'the talk' yet.

But I preferred that she hear it from someone good at delivering that information, and to hear it with me.  I definitely didn't want her to hear it in the playground with embellishments...

The educator was awesome.  She delivered her stuff informatively, with humour, and with sensitivity.  I learned a lot about how to talk to my kids from her approach.

My impression of the evening was that all us parents wanted to crawl under the seats with our awkwardness about the topic, I suspect most of us were a bit red in the face.  Luckily no-one was game to look around.

But the kids?  They just absorbed it all as fascinating information.  They were desperate to answer the questions they knew, no embarrassment there!  Which was great.

I've also noticed that when I talk to the Dude about his questions, he's just fascinated by it as interesting information.  There's no concept (yet) of just how *embarrassing* this could be...  So I'm glad he's asking the questions now, and we can talk about them, because I think he's at a great age just to take it all in as fascinating facts.  And that's got to be powerful - he'll know how things work, and take it all for granted, before he gets to an age where it is embarrassing or shocking to discover.

Anyway, back to the point.  I have absolutely no idea what I originally googled when I went searching for resources for kids on this topic.  I'm sure it was embarrassing.

I do recall checking out the A Mighty Girl website, which is a treasure trove of fabulous resources, particularly aimed at empowering girls.  One of my favourite parts of the site is the book list - there are awesome resources on all sorts of topics.  It's well worth checking out.  The topics range across all sorts of topics from  History to Social Issues to Fiction to Understanding Yourself (including understanding issues like Aspergers) to Nature.

I looked at several of the books they suggested, and then took some time to read through the reviews on Amazon.

(as an aside, I always use the Amazon.com site, not the Australian one, because it has more on it). 

People take the time to write such detailed and informative reviews, and I really appreciated it on this occasion, because it allowed me to eliminate some books that are probably great, but weren't what I wanted.

I chose a few books.  Some suited to younger children, or as a reference for either child, that I'm happy to leave on the bookshelf for them to look at whenever they want.

One of the books is definitely one that I have put aside, and will pull out at times to look at specific pages.  It's for older children, and is more detailed.  Some of the concepts in it are better for us to read and discuss together.  It's still an awesome book, but I do think it's important to decide for your own family what you are comfortable with and what feels appropriate.

All of the books communicate the value of our bodies, how amazing they are, and reinforce a value of our right to ownership of our bodies (even if it's not explicit).

I've really tried to capitalise on the opportunity with my kids to let this reflect on our amazing Creator!

Amazing You!: Getting Smart About Your Private Parts
by Gail Saltz.
This is such a great book.  It is positive and simple, and suitable for young children - from around Preschool age, but could be used with slightly older children too.
The explanations of bodies and where babies come from is appropriate for younger children.  The way the illustrations work, also would allow you to expand upon caesarean and 'normal' deliveries if it's something you want to discuss with your kids.  This is one of the books that lives on our bookshelf, and which gets pulled out by the kids.  I did read this with the children a few times first before the book appeared on the bookshelf.

Who Has What?: All About Girls' Bodies and Boys' Bodies (Let's Talk about You and Me)
by Robie H. Harris
This is for slightly older children.  It's a little longer and more involved.  It relates differences between girls' and boys' bodies to familiar animals such as pets so children can draw a link between things they have seen in their environment.  I think younger kids might not understand the links quite so clearly, but it's a great approach.
It is less about how babies are made, and more about our bodies are awesome, and their similarities and differences.
It's another book I'm happy to have out for my kids (again after reading it with them), but I think younger children would benefit more from having an adult read it with them.

It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (The Family Library)
by Robie. H Harris.
Another book by the same author as "Who Has What".  This is definitely for older children (but still suitable for primary age).  It's got lots of fantastic information, and answers more specific and common questions about exactly what goes on, including questions kids ask, like where the baby is, and how it eats!

Great diagrams to answer kids' questions

Having said that, it is also a book that I keep away, and will bring out to respond to specific questions, or explain concepts.
It uses the construct of some extra characters:  a bee, and a bird (Yes! How appropriate!) to provide other voices which can be curious, or grossed out.  It's a clever construct and fills an important role. However, I think they make it more complex to follow the main ideas of the text. I've found this in experiences with other factual texts for children, It's another feature that makes me think this book is better for slightly older children.
Importantly, it also includes a section on child protection:  safe touch and unsafe touch, which is excellent.  This is a page, however, that contains some information that some families might be a little uncomfortable with.

Here's a photo of the contents so you can see the topics that are covered.

There are several other books written on these topics by Robie H. Harris - I think they were for older children.  If you are keen to keep researching, I recommend the Amazon reviews as a handy place to find reflections on great books on the topic.

I'm also intrigued by "My Underpants Rule" which I've noticed being advertised online.  I haven't done any research into it, but a quick look at the site makes me think it looks like an excellent approach for helping protect children, and helping them learn to protect themselves.  I'd love to hear if anyone else has looked into it, and what you think!

Please excuse me while I go purchase another book!

In fact, if you have any wisdom or advice on this area, we'd all love to hear it!  Please let us know in the comments or on facebook.

*I am absolutely no kind of expert in this area, and this is a very limited list of resources.  I wrote this blog post to save boring the pants**off a few friends while I rabbited on about some books I found on the topic.  This way if they are bored they can wander off and have a nice cup of tea.  And a lie down.  Or both.  And I'll never know ;) 

** yes, that is an unfortunate turn of phrase given the topic, but it made me laugh.  I hope it makes you laugh too

*** I'm not going to tell you how many years, because then you might figure out how old I am.  And we can't have that.