Thursday, 5 May 2016

What would you do?

Just a bit overwhelmed this evening.  In a good way.  I think.


A blog I wrote, originally for the beautiful Jen here (which even has a bit about sewing in it!), has been published on Fixing Her Eyes.

I don't quite know what to think.  It's such a fabulous blog.  With a much bigger readership than mine (duh!).  I started this blog years ago and did nothing with it - no time really.  But then I discovered that I just need to write.  Probably because there aren't enough (adult) people around for all the talking I'd like to do.  And the pondering.  But funnily enough, most of it doesn't seem to be about the things I thought I would blog about... I'm writing for me really.  But if my friends want to read too, then that makes me happy!

I'm a little overwhelmed that my words, and my heart, are out there for others to see.

If you want to know more about why I'm crazy enough to run 2km every day in May, the post All the Things I Wish We'd Said will explain more....

And I thought I needed to tell you more of what I've been pondering, wondering, questioning.

Seeing as my heart's out there already...


What would you do?
Would you run a mile?  Run some more?

Make a quilt?   Give a cup of tea?

I would do anything to give mum another day.

Another day of soaking up life, real life
    not this hovering in the shadows in between

    soaking up those that love,
    soaking up laughter and laughing too.

    of delighting in hugs, and babies' chuckles.
    of knowing what they are and who they're from.

What would you give, for more of those sunshine days?

Or maybe it's selfish, maybe it's me who wants the time.
Maybe it's really for us, those who love her, and have lost her already.

Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing makes any difference.

Running every day.  Raising this money.

I have a kind of a guilt that people are being so generous in this cause of mine.

Visiting mum who lies in the shadows...
     Feeding her tea, and chocolate...
     Gentle hugs, fragrances, music to soothe

Does it make any difference if I run or not?

What does the money do anyway?  We're all mortal.  We can't command death.

But then I know money funds research.

And each germ of knowledge helps to diagnose, manage and treat this insidious disease, that cunningly consumes while the sufferers aren't yet aware.
That has no victor.

That carries terror with its name.
So if they know, deep inside, what's happening,
    they are terrified
    to name it - will that make it real?
    to admit it - what then will they lose?  Independence?  Freedom?  Dignity?
    there'll be no glory in this fight

But if research can bring more sunshine days, then the terror can recede.
And there is room for hope.

And that leads to more life.  More joy.

So if I know that the money I raise, helps find a way to grant someone more sunshine days
  instead of days of confusion
grant joy,
   instead of despair
grant home,
   instead of being lost.

If someone gains another another day
another week
another month
another year

Then I would do that.

xx


If research into Dementia is something you want to contribute to, click here.  xx

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